Everything Happens for a Reason:  Lymphoma, Baseball, and the Kindness of Others

For those of you who are followers of the blog, you know that I was diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in January 2022. If you are new to the blog, first of all, welcome. And feel free to take a look at Hodgkin’s Lymphoma: The Biggest Life Lesson of Them All for more information about my lymphoma journey.

Cancer is eye-opening in so many ways.  One of them is how it really makes clear who your true friends are.  People don’t know how to deal with or talk about cancer.  I get it.  Neither did I.  But I had to figure it out pretty fast.  If you ever want to end a conversation quickly, tell the person you are speaking with that you have/had cancer.  There will be silence almost immediately, and most certainly, an awkward silence.  Alternatively, they will say something completely ridiculous or inappropriate.  In my experience, it can go either way, with about an equal probability.

But sometimes, people step up in ways that you would not imagine.  When I was in treatment, a friend set up a Meal Train for our family.  Two or three times each week, our friends, neighbours, and my coworkers would drop off delicious meals on our doorstep.  A close friend baked muffins weekly and dropped them off so that my boys could have homemade muffins for their school snack (because pre-lymphoma, I used to bake muffins and cookies every Sunday for school lunches and snacks, and I needed them to have this consistency in their lives during a time when everything felt like it was upside down).  My older son, Big W, had trouble understanding why people were doing such nice things for us.  I remember telling him that we are nice people, and that we do nice things for others.  And that we have been good friends and neighbours, and that our friends and neighbours wanted to help us, at a time when we really needed the help.  I told him that kindness multiplies, but at 12 years old, it was a difficult concept for him to grasp.

I had my own difficult concept to grasp – why do bad things happen to good people?  The Universe and I haven’t had our conversation yet, but when we do, my first question is going to be “Lymphoma?  Really?”  The only way that I could make sense of any of it was by believing that everything happens for a reason.  And a chance encounter in August 2023 with an amazing person validated my belief in this principle.

I will warn you that this is going to be a long post, but it is worth the read.

Big W is a huge baseball fan.  Like next level.  MLB, MILB, and also his local team, the Fort Garry Giants!  He has played spring ball for the past 2 years, and is a very promising player.  He pitches, catches, and also plays third base.  He desperately wanted to play in spring 2022, but I was in the middle of treatment and in no shape to drive him to baseball practices and games.  My parents knew how much he loved baseball, however, and offered to drive him so that he could play ball in 2022.  I was only able to make it out to one of his games that season (during treatment, my best day, when I had any hope of doing something, was cycle day 14; however, this didn’t line up well with the baseball schedule), but it was incredible to watch him doing something that he loves so much.

Big W is a math guy, and follows all of the players and knows their stats and the team standings and where they are in the playoff run… even at the start of the season, when the playoffs are months away.  His nickname at school is Moneyball, and I absolutely love it.

Each summer, the Winnipeg Public Library hosts players from the Winnipeg Goldeyes for their Goldeyes Baseball Players Love to Read program that is part of the TD Summer Reading Club.  I had registered my boys and taken them to this program for many years.  This year, the program took place on August 10, 2023.  In the weeks leading up to it, Big W had been asking me if we could contact the library to find out who the Goldeyes player would be who would be reading at our local library.  I told him that it was unlikely that the library would have that information, so far in advance of the day.  On the day of the program, Big W phoned the library at 10:00 when it opened and was informed that our assigned Goldeye was Tommy McCarthy.  He then took to his phone and for the next 45 minutes did an internet deep dive into McCarthy’s backstory.

The library program started at 11:00.  The library staff had a display with an assortment of books about baseball.  The player, Tommy McCarthy, read a book to the group.  The librarian also had a tin with slips of paper that participants could draw, in order to ask Tommy a question.  Example questions included:  What is your favourite baseball team? How old were you when you started playing baseball?  When it was time to ask questions, Big W put up his hand.  Tommy called on him and Big W asked his first question:  “When you were in high school, you were drafted in the 40^th round and didn’t sign.  What was the reason why you didn’t sign?”  McCarthy’s surprise at the incredibly detailed, personal question was evident.  His response was that he had had an agreement with his mom, that if he was drafted below the 10^th round, he wouldn’t sign, and would go to college instead.  I loved that answer.  At the second Q&A period, I prompted Big W to ask his second question:  “In your final college game, you hit a home run.  However, it didn’t matter because your team was already down by 5 runs, and you were unlikely to win.  How did that feel, was it bittersweet?”  Again, McCarthy’s mind was visibly blown.  Who was this boy who knew such detailed information about a relatively unknown minor league baseball player?

There was a Goldeyes staff member, Halle, in attendance at the library.  At the end of the program, I went over to speak with her.  She commented on how amazing Big W’s questions had been.  Coincidentally, we had tickets to the Goldeyes game for the following evening.  I asked her if it was possible for Little J to be the Play Ball Kid, who gets to stand behind the dugout and say “Let’s Play Ball!” to start the game.  One of my former students had worked in promotions for the Goldeyes and had hooked Big W up for some promotions when he was younger.  He had been the Play Ball Kid at least twice.  It’s all about who you know ;).  Halle said that she thought that she could make that happen, and that she could also find something interesting for Big W to do.  We exchanged contact information and made plans to talk prior to the game.

We met Halle at Fan Services the following evening.  Little J got to do his thing, and received a Goldeyes t-shirt, a ball from a player in the dugout, and a package of licorice from a random fan as he was walking back up the staircase from the dugout (mom question – is it ok to let him accept candy from a stranger in this particular circumstance?).  Halle’s plan for Big W was incredible:  he was invited to watch the top of the third inning from the press box.  Wow!  I went up there with him.  His mind was blown.  He met the game announcer, saw the statisticians and the camera man, and was introduced to Ed, the man who was running the show.  This was totally Big W’s wheelhouse.

And the incredible experience didn’t end there.  The Goldeyes were ahead, and Halle told Big W that if they were still winning, we should come back to Fan Services at the bottom of the 8^th (if they were losing, we were supposed to wait until the top of the 9^th).  When we met her, Halle told the boys that she had arranged for us to watch the last inning from the tunnel leading onto the field, which we did, and it was amazing.  Then she told us that we could go out onto the field to watch the fireworks.  It was a special game, celebrating the jersey retirement of Reggie Abercrombie, so there was an extra special fireworks show.  After the fireworks, Halle had a photographer take a family photo of us on the field, and then a photo with Tommy McCarthy, the Goldeyes player who we had met at the library.   And just when we thought that it couldn’t get any more amazing, Halle gave each boy a baseball, and arranged for them to get their baseballs and Goldeyes t-shirts autographed by some players at the dugout!

The boys’ minds were completely blown!  And so was mine.  I couldn’t believe what an incredible night it had been.  It was even more special for me because Big W and I had missed out on an amazing baseball experience in 2022.  We had planned to go to Rogers Centre to see the Toronto Blue Jays play, in the fall of 2022.  I had the flights booked, hotel, too (the Toronto Marriott City Centre Hotel), and tickets purchased for the September 30 and October 1, 2022 games (vs. Boston Red Sox).  On September 28, 2022, 12 weeks after completing my last chemotherapy treatment, I made the soul-crushing decision that the trip had to be cancelled, because I was in no physical or mental condition to be traveling across the country to take my son to a baseball game (as much as I desperately wanted to do so).

Cancer takes so much from you, often in ways that you don’t realize until the loss is perceived later down the road.  For me, I lost more than 18 months of my life (through diagnosis, treatment, and recovery).  My boys lost 18 months of time with the Super Mom version of me, and we all missed out on the amazing experiences that we would have had together during that time.  And you can never get that time back.  I am forever grateful that my treatment was successful, and that I have many, many, many years to make memories with my boys.  Yet I still feel a feeling of deep loss.

Stage IV Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is a special gift (sarcasm intended).  You are so sick that you qualify for the aggressive chemotherapy treatment.  But the aggressive chemotherapy treatment is a terrible “upgrade,” if you can call it that.  While it was ultimately successful, the side effects were awful.  And while it was happening, I wasn’t sure that I had the strength to get through it.

At CancerCare, there are many supports offered to help with the mental burden of cancer treatment.  Scrapbooking, journaling, and my favourite, the healing wall.  My healing wall was the 2022 Toronto Blue Jays.  Watching the 2022 season with Big W and Little J gave me an activity that I could do with my boys (while curled up on the couch with a blanket).  The 2022 season gave us routine and structure – something that is sorely lacking when your life has been turned upside down by a cancer diagnosis.

I feel like I know the 2022 team personally after having spent so much time with them. Watching Vladdy, Bo, Teoscar, Gurriel Jr., Kirk, and Espinal goofing around in the dugout was uplifting. Watching them celebrate each other and their successes with the home run jacket was inspiring. And since I am telling my deepest secrets here, I must confess that I have a not-so-secret crush on Bo Bichette! I call him BB my BF (Bo Bichette my boyfriend), which my boys find completely inappropriate. But come on, a mom has to dream!

In my lowest of low times, I was able to spend time with Big W, participating in an activity that he loves.  It was truly a blessing.  We have an incredible bond over baseball now.  People are often surprised when I tell them that I am a Blue Jays fan, and that I actually know a lot about baseball (more than a casual fan would).  I have been taught by the best.  In my job at the Rady College of Medicine, I provide financial literacy education to undergraduate medical students.  In this role, I do my best to meet the students where they are in terms of their financial literacy knowledge.  And for most students, this is at a very basic, introductory, level.  Our shared love of baseball allowed me to meet Big W where he was, and he shared his vast knowledge with me and helped me grow.

Fun fact – Big W and I were at Rogers Centre on May 26, 2019 when Cavan Biggio hit his first career home run!  We were destined to be superfans of the 2022 team!

When I told Big W that we had to cancel our September 2022 trip, I was worried that he would be devastated.  He was 12 years old, and kids can have big feelings.  He was an absolute rock star.  He didn’t complain, or say it was unfair, or do any of the things that would have been perfectly acceptable for a child in that situation.  Instead, he told me that he understood.  And gave me a hug.  I don’t know if he was feeling a deep sense of loss on the inside, but he would never tell me if he was, because he wouldn’t want to make me feel worse than I was already feeling.

So fastforward to 2023…  Cancer is in my rearview mirror and I have booked a do over trip.  And this time Little J is coming along.  We are going from September 28-30, and will see the Yankees game on the 28^th and the Tampa Bay Rays game on the 29^th.  Flights are booked.  Sadly, the Toronto Marriott City Centre Hotel was not available, but I’ve got a good backup hotel booked.

Now back to the Goldeyes, and the amazing Halle…  After our incredible Friday night game, Halle said that she didn’t think that the boys had gotten enough autographs, and invited us back as her guests for another game.  We went to the Sunday afternoon game, and had amazing seats in section G, row 9, right behind the Goldeyes dugout.  I had shared a bit of my story with Halle on the Friday night when we were in the press box at the top of the 3^rd inning.  I felt like I needed to provide some context for why I was crying as I watched Big W have this amazing experience.

Well, Halle has a heart that is bigger than anyone could imagine (and I should mention again that we had just met her on the previous Friday).  She came over to visit the boys during the game and told them that she had a friend who worked for the Blue Jays, and her friend was going to get our tickets for us for our 2 September games.  I nearly fell off my seat.  I hadn’t bought the tickets yet.  Honestly, I was a bit afraid to.  I had had to sell the 2022 tickets though a reseller at a huge loss.  I wanted to make sure that this trip was for sure a go before making the commitment this time.

So here I am, again speechless at the kindness of others.  But I think about what I told Big W last year – kindness multiplies.  And kind people are happy to do kind things for other kind people.  I appreciate it more than words can say.  I feel a deep burden to pay it forward, and I am trying to do so every day.

To conclude, I’m back to that conversation with the Universe.  My first question must be as previously stated:  “Lymphoma?  Really?”  But my follow-up might be to say thank you.  I have been through the wringer, but now that I have come out the other side, I can look with gratitude at what I have in my life.  I am surrounded by people who love me, and are willing to move mountains to help me.  Big W and Little J are incredibly kind, thoughtful, and love-filled boys who have gone through a lot and have flourished.  It wasn’t what I had planned for 2022, but given the alternative, I feel deeply grateful.

And now, to my 2023 Blue Jays, please don’t let me down! I watched the tragic loss to the Seattle Mariners on October 8, 2022 and I cannot go through that again. At the time of writing this article (September 17, 2023), the Jays are in the running for a wild card spot. They need to keep the momentum going until the Winnipeg super fans arrive on September 28. We are cheering you on from home right now, and will be cheering loudly at Rogers Centre on September 28. I still need to buy my poster board, but I’m almost certain that one of my posters will say “Hit a homer for me, BB my BF!” My boys will be horrified. But I am allowed to dream.

Thank you for reading.  It has been cathartic getting my thoughts out and into words.  I guess that I shouldn’t dismiss the “healing wall” idea outright, as I did when it was initially presented to me.  Instead, we should embrace that healing walls can come in all varieties.  And as long as they are helpful to get one through an extraordinarily challenging time, who cares what form they take.